What Is Truely Beautiful?
I alway thought I had things figured out.
There was a girl once who really liked me. I didn’t think she was good enough. Only that wasn’t me thinking was some of the people that I was in grade school with who had absolutely no idea what beautiful was and what was real in life.
I ignored this girl and she was really a great person. I let what other people thought get in the way of what a thought and what I felt. I always thought that I was the one who stood up for what was right even when I was the only one standing. I really had no idea of the lack of resolve I was capable of. I suppose I always did know. I never really wanted to admit to myself why I wasn’t happy.
I have known many women I never really gave much thought to why I didn’t keep their company long. Most of them I really liked but I was always affraid of not having the next better thing. I always make excuses about why I’m alone. The truth is that I really want someone to share my secrets and my dreams with.
I alway everything backwords. It’s good to be able to think backwords but the problem with this lies in that I’m a bit backwords. The evolution of backword thinking is a seriously profound developement in human conciesness.
But very fact that one was required to think backwards to solve one’s problems suggests that one is somewhat backwords to even have problems that require backward thinking. That means despite the intricacies involed in problem solving through backword thought. One is required to be backword to solve backword problems. When will my thinking be straight? Am I just to compicated?
My solution is simple love and respect people. But how simple is that? Who do we really love and respect people when don’t know where we begin and others end. The truth is there is a sepparation. I think that what happens to everyone is a result of other people’s reactions and so on and so on.
I really want to care for someone. I really want to love someone. I have always thought that relationships with other people would keep me from being the best I can be. Sometimes that is correct. I think I haven’t pick difficult enough relationships to learn really to grow as a person and really be the best I can be. I was holding myself back from being my best by protecting myself from other people. I knew people who were emotionally cold in my younger years. I really tried to fight that off.
Then agian maybe I am holding my feelings back becuase people can actually hurt me.
